These are pretty good --
Rob Corddry (Daily Show): "Jon, tonight the Vice President is standing by his decision to shoot Harry Whittington. Now according to the best intelligence available, there were quail hidden in the brush. Everyone believed at the time-there-were-quail in the brush. And while the quail turned out to be the 78 year old man, even knowing that today, Mr. Cheney insists he still would have shot Mr. Whittington in the face.”
David Letterman: “We can't get bin Laden, but we nailed a 78-year-old attorney.”
Jay Leno: “When the ambulance got there, out of force of habit they put Cheney on the stretcher. … Hey, wait, no, it’s the other guy!”
Jon Stewart: “Now, this story certainly has its humorous aspects. And it's easy to make fun of an incident like this. ... Very easy. But it also raises a serious issue, one which I feel very strongly about. Moms, dads, if you're watching right now, I can't emphasize enough: Do not let your kids go on hunting trips with the Vice President. I don't care what kind of lucrative contracts they're trying to land or energy regulations they're trying to get lifted. It's just not worth it.”
Jimmy Kimmel: “This is all part of the Bush administration's new Social Security plan. Once you hit 78 . . .”
Global Headlines –
Cheney Bags a Lawyer
-- The Herald (Scotland)
Cheney Hunts Quail and Everyone Else Ducks
-- Sydney Morning Herald
Deadeye Dick
-- Philadelphia Daily News
Duck! It's Dick
-- New York Daily News
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