Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Limbo-from Sunday's flight

I am again flying across the country. Turbulence is fair to middling and I am trying to work. Instead my head is wondering furiously across it's current landscape. I try to focus on my breathing and say "this is it. Wherever you go, there you are. Pay attention to this moment." My head is clearly displeased with this approach. It seems nearly desperate to think about anything but the here and now.

I was at meeting (Society of Friends silent worship) this morning. A woman got up to speak about the importance of being a lamb in terms of faith. That you have to believe that the universe/light/shepherd will guide you better than your ego can.There are many long running themes in my life that I pay particular attention to. This idea of obedience to (fill in the blank) is the correct way to engage the universe and its "plans" for you has always been anathema to me. Instead of rejecting it outright though, I tried very hard to instead observe my visceral reaction to it and see if I couldn't understand why I find this idea so offensive. It was my first experience with the meditation approach that actually shifted in the moment how I was processing something. No real epiphanies, my mind went off in a tangent on why obedience to/faith in any external authority is useless. I then thought of the section of Eat, Pray Love where she walks through the idea that the way to the universal divinity is to go inward, not outward. I didn't engage my mind with this rebuttal although I am now trying to incorporate the possibility of an inward guide into my model.The approach to this is supposedly to accept the thinking mind as it is, but to try to observe it without judgment and with compassion. This is why I did not immediately try to rebut my mind's response to the obedience question. I was trying to observe the way it worked.

The funniest thought that happened was "what if I don't like the mind if I am successful in actually seeing it?"

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