Thursday, June 19, 2008

Om mani padme hum

So Tuesday night I went into Anaphylaxis and could not breathe whilst walking on a trail with neither m cell phone or wallet. I was given epinephrine, rushed to the hospital and treated with steroids. That was two days ago. I was wildly unprepared for the terror that being suddenly unable to breathe would cause. I have been trying really hard to make the world feel normal again. I am back in my place. I am on steroids still so will not have another reaction in the next couple of days.

but still I am sitting here, listening to music, drinking beer, chatting with people online supposedly reconnected and alive....but that terror, the total helpless vulnerability is rocking me to the core. i feel terribly, horribly awfully mortal, frail, breakable. I keep thinking this is where you are, embrace, accept, compassion but I am not sure its working. I kind of feel like i am losing my shit and just totally freaking out. lets hope that this too shall pass.

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