Modern Sexual Politics

Naomi isn't 100 percent sure what things were like ''a little longer ago'' -- a period she defines as vaguely pre-Bill Clinton -- but she's certain there was less ''sexual equality.'' Today, that topic really isn't up for debate. That men and women play on an even sexual playing field is a given?Or should be. As Naomi sees it, ''It's our decision if we're going to allow ourselves to be subjected to negative treatment. It's all framed by the way girls behave.''

I read this article on Saturday at the gym. I go to a local YMCA which isn't like most gyms, but this one is still a gym with the posturing etc. I left my mp3 player on a plane so now I have to read to distract myself while on the stationary bike. I was disturbed to think that there were so many "autonomous" females who were choosing to be treated badly...still I kept reading

Whatever sex goes on, the girls say, is done in the context of the ''hookup,'' which describes anything from making out to full-on intercourse. Much to the disappointment of many students, female and male, there's no real dating scene at Duke -- true for a lot of colleges. ''I've never been asked out on a date in my entire life -- not once,'' says one stunning brunette. Nor has a guy ever bought her a drink. ''I think that if anybody ever did that, I would ask him if he were on drugs,'' she says. Rather, there's the casual one-night stand, usually bolstered by heavy drinking and followed the next morning by -- well, nothing, usually. ''You'll hook up with a guy, and you know that nothing will come out of it,'' says Anna. The best thing you can hope for, she says, ''is that you'll get to hook up with him again.'' Some girls they know have managed to score a regular hookup -- meaning consistent sex -- but others play the field, bouncing from one guy to the next.

Now call me old fashioned, but if a repeat hook up is the best thing the crowd you are hanging with is offering and this is viewed negatively by you, wouldn't one look outside that crowd?

Among Naomi and her friends, a certain weariness creeps in when discussing the whole scene. ''Girls reduce themselves a lot here in order to be able to have the sexual freedom that I think they don't have by doing that,'' says Naomi. She sighs. ''There's a big difference between the global values and feminist ideals we think we should be subscribing to and the behavior a lot of us exhibit -- and I do it too,'' she admits. But maybe not as much as some of her friends, she adds. ''One of my friends thinks she's the biggest feminist, but to me she is one of the biggest anti-feminists, just because of her sexual behavior'' -- which is hooking up with several guys in the course of a weekend, including one, a ''regular'' who ''really treats her like shit.'' ''But, you know, she's doing it out of fear,'' says Anna, smiling a bit. ''It's like, 'Oh, yes, consistent sex -- that's great. And maybe he'll invite me to this big frat formal that's coming up that everyone wants to go to.' '' She chuckles condescendingly.

And now I'm pissed. this whole article describes the interviewees as these very "intelligent", beautiful ambitous women. I believe it points out several times how academically competitive Duke is and how hard they have to work to make good grades. OK, this is where I get off.
There is a quote in the article which I saw mentioned in a WaPo column once; "Effortless Perfection". That these women think they have to look like "fill in whoever is hot chick of the moment", be successful and be fun or "up" as they refer to it. These are the people at the top of our social structure. People who will theoretically fill in top positions in business, law and science.
The article doesn't give you much insight into the male psyche. (In general when articles are about sex it does seem that the female point of view is the only thing worth examining because you know men, they just want it all the time, no strings attached with the hottest chick possible. Too bad that is wildly untrue.) The men are just caricatures of people who the women are reacting to.
At first I was just mad that no one taught these women it was OK to want whatever it is they wanted. How old do you have to be before you realize that following the crowd and appearing to execute well to their parameters almost never leads to happiness. More than that, there is so little anger displayed. Even their "admissions" that the situation isn't satisfying for them seem defeated. In the meantime, you have supposedly smart motivated people working overtime to eliminate any messy humanity from their interactions with each other. They couldn't figure out the rules of engagement, so they stopped engaging. I get that. It's not as if my dating exploits are about to be turned into a handbook anytime soon, but fuck people try harder. You are supposed to be smarter than that.You are supposed to have more imagination.